My Old Life is Over

With the first surgery life as I knew it was over; waking up was shockingly painful because I had this crazy expectation of waking up cured. When it was just hospital roulette I could at least pretend I was living a normal life. Though I couldn’t hold a job and had ruined my credit. However, now with my first few surgeries behind me I felt as if life was over and I lost hope.

From that point on my life changed. I felt isolated. Most of my friends had moved on with life and I had little to no one around. The few friends I had were not real friends. I sought help at that point from mental health professionals and from support groups.

It was within this support group that I met my husband. He had lost his long time girlfriend. I will always remember the first time we had a real conversation. He stopped by because a realtor was showing the house were he lived. It was the first time he told me about his first love. I remember thinking “I wish someone loved me like that.” An odd thought but that’s what I recall.

In short time, my best friend and his best friend were friends and the four of us spent most of our free time together. Finally, with some friends life started to look up. Even though I still had to deal with doctors and hospitals I had friends who would come visit and call.

It was nice to have that support. However, I often wonder how much of it was real. Some friends I never heard from again; while others I still keep in contact with on occasion.

My point with this story is simple, seek support. Support groups come in all forms; grief support groups, cancer support groups, even alcoholics anonymous works if you can’t find a support group for your own particular situation, AA usually welcomes everyone. If you’re in an bad relationship it’s ok to seek out support even if you haven’t been hit. Support groups anonymous or otherwise exist because everyone needs help at some point in life..

Support is the key to survival. We need support from our community, friends, pastors, parents, siblings, spouses, and children. Most patients with chronic illness feel like we are treated as outcasts at some points; and that is often exacerbated when they are known as a cannabis patient.

For me when I felt like life as I knew it was over I had to seek help. The depression had me at a point of feeling suicidal. I would sit alone in a room for days either eating my grief or drinking alcohol secretly.

It was through seeking help with my grief that I met my husband and my life forever changed. I was able to see the good in my situation. My illness was chronic not deadly. Crohn’s is a rollercoaster but it’s not a death sentence. However, without support life is over.